Fashion Dysmorphia: A Diary Entry
Cover photo: Tilly on PinterestFashion dysmorphia. I’m still not sure it’s a real term, but it’s definitely captured my experience this summer. To me, fashion dysmorphia means not knowing how to present myself to others—or simply, lacking a signature style.
Dear Diary,
As an 18-year-old girl entering her sophomore year of college, I find myself in a weird spot in terms of my personal style. It almost feels like the transition from 8th grade to freshman year of high school, where I suddenly had to get a different style of jeans in order to feel like the age I was, for some odd reason I hadn’t really experienced before. Skinny was out, and flares were in. Now, I find myself wondering if the millions of clothes I have in my closet are good enough to wear as a college student. I don’t have a “style” like it seems other people my age do.
Do I look my age? Do people think I’m cool? How can I dress like what I want to be? Alexa, play my playlist “Who Am I”.
I’ll be honest, most of the time I don’t need to be wearing anything special around my college campus, but when I have meetings with professors, club gatherings, or more business casual gatherings that I’ve learned will become quite frequent, I have a sort of imposter syndrome with my outfits. Not only am I struggling to find the balance between expressing a personal style and staying professional, but I’m still having a hard time even finding a style to incorporate. While I try to maintain shopping sustainably, I constantly feel the urge to reconstruct my entire closet at least once a week. Common thoughts that run through my head are
Get another button-down shirt
You need a blazer STAT
Ditch the jeans and come up with a whole new style surrounding linen trousers!
This summer, everything that I’ve been writing about has included the underlying theme of “it doesn’t really matter what you wear, as long as you like it”. But I think those words are easier said than felt and done, even for me, who preaches it.
Maybe I should take my own advice.
Being a teenager in not only a digital age, but an age that frequently pits women against each other is hard. Fashion dysmorphia could present itself not only in a room full of my coworkers, but a room full of other women. After finding myself critiquing and comparing myself to other women in settings like these, I had to learn to take a step back, over and over again. Sometimes, it feels like I’ll always have to. Why is it so hard to feel confident about the clothes I’m wearing around people who are probably feeling the same way I am?
I don’t have the answers!!!
Not having a solid answer to such a large part of my identity leaves me flustered, embarrassed, and mad at myself for not understanding something so simple as what pants to wear with what shirt. Fashion can tell you so much about one person, and I only wish I knew what everyone thought about me based on the clothes I wear. I don’t fit into a category, like cool liberal arts college kid who smokes cigarettes on the roof of their dorm and skateboards to class, and if I had to guess, I’d say people just don’t think I have good style at all. But here’s where that dysmorphia comes into play: plenty of people have said they like my style! “Nice!!! What is it???”, I want to ask them. Does fashion tell you where you belong? Is that a power we should let it have?
I have to admit, I’ve fallen victim to microtrends like “beach core” and “granola girl”. Though they were stepping stones to figuring out the melting pot of style I am today, I can’t help but wonder if they also had a role to play in the misunderstanding and misinterpretation of myself. I don’t know who I am yet, that’s a fact. But it sure would help if I knew what shoes I could wear with my pants to make me feel like I belong at a gathering with peers, on a college campus, or in a room with professionals.